This week, I chose the stressor of divorce on children. My parents divorced several months BEFORE I was born. Now, it might be assumed that I didn't know life any other way, so how could this be a stressor? Well, my mother chose for me to not get to know my father. They didn't get along, so I was not allowed to have contact with him and he was allowed no contact with me. It was the 70's and the issues of paternal rights weren't what they are today.
As a young child I felt the stress of watching my mother try to be a single mom. I love my mom and she has always been a great mother. However, we struggled to make ends meet at times. Her stress became my stress. I also noticed at a young age that I was different. I didn't even have so much as a picture of what my father looked like. When other children would make crafts for father's day, I would do something different. I wanted to be like other children who had a daddy.
My mother got remarried when I was 9 years old. this did not fill the gap, as this person did not treat me like their own child. I would have to say it made the gap bigger. Also, from being so close to my mom for 9 years and having to share her with no one, I had a terrible time adjusting to her getting married, moving to a new town and a few months later having a new sister.
I always felt as though I was an intruder in "their" family. I was the one who didn't fit. I always felt that if maybe I knew my dad, I would have someone else in my life to identify with.
So even though I was not there to witness the breakdown of my parents' marriage, the effects of their divorce followed me throughout my life.
I chose to look up the effects of divorce on Chinese children. According to the article I Did, But Now I Don't,"During a study of divorced children within China, researchers concluded that children from divorced families were less-adjusted-based upon levels of depression and anxiety-than individuals from families which were intact (I did but.., 2011)." In China, teachers report children of divorced families as having more discipline problems and that teenagers seems to show negative signs such as withdraw from their peers, aggression and negative emotional issues. However, in China, it is considered to be disgraceful to get divorced. Therefore, the negative impact of the divorce falls upon not only the divorced parents, but the children as well. There are financial stressors that come with divorce in China also. Many times, alimony and child support are not rewarded as it is in the United States. This can cause financial hardships on families, especially if one parent was the bread winner. Financial stressors also effect children.
The United States and China have something in common in terms of the topic of divorce. In both countries, the ripple effect of the divorce is felt not just by the divorcees, but by the children. Unfortunately, it is often felt for years to come.
References:
I did but now I don't;divorce and its negative impact on society. (2011, February 04). Retrieved from http://siteslab.org/pitjournal/node/703
Divorce has been a normal stressor all over the world. It is so common until it is un-normal to have a two family home with both biological parents. I have a son and I am a single parent. I understand that also this lifestyle for will son could be a stressor also. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteAlthough 2 of my sisters have born children out of wedlock, both my niece and nephew have had stress and affects from not having a full-time father around. My niece did know her father and was allowed to spend time with him; however he passed away three years ago (another stressor in which I am addressing in my blog this week). On the other hand, my nephew never knew his father. Like you, I am sure they have felt different during school activities and special projects. As teachers, we must be sensitive to this stress and the consequences that divorce has on young children.
ReplyDeleteI know that the divorce must have been hard on you, especially being so young and not really knowing what was going on. Marriage is a very hard and it is something that a couple must work on everyday in order to be successful. A lot of times money and the stress of life take a toll on a marrigae and its really sad!
ReplyDeleteIts seems like you had a hard time with your parents divorcing and your mom remarrying. I believe that as parents we can directly or indirectly make our children feel the stress that we are feeling. Unfortunately divorce can have a lingering effect on how you veiw life after you have experienced divorce as a child. I know people who come divorced homes and they do not trust people and they are very emotional and withdrawn.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your experience. My son's father has chosen not to be a part of his life and I wonder everyday when he will start asking questions as he is getting at the age when he notices differences.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your situation with us! My parents never married but just like you as a young child that fact that they were not together caused some damage to my development. Emotionally I felt lower than other children who's parents were married or at least together, I always wanted to have a big happy family. Them not being together also hurt my mental interpretation of relationships, it made it harder for me to believe in true love and successful relationships as I matured. Our parents marital status can cause allot of stress on a child.
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